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My Future Wife: Restless Nights Pt. 2

Lately those blasted restless nights have been coming back to me. Granted, I don’t even try to get to bed until 3 a.m. or later (so maybe it’s partly my fault) but even still, when I lie in bed at night with nothing but my thoughts, my heart aches, and I have not so recently come to the realization that I am lonely. As a Christian, it’s only instinctual for my first reaction to this kind of statement to be “God can fill that void, He can soothe that ache in your heart,” and He most certainly can, but what I feel I am longing for is human companionship, and more specifically, human companionship of the female variety.

I used to think that all I needed in life was music and God to be content, that if I could live out my dream of becoming a successful musician and go on tour singing in an awesome band that I wouldn’t need a girlfriend or wife to make me happy. As I’ve matured and grown up a little bit, my musical aspirations and dreams have stayed pretty much the same but my perspective on the “girlfriend” issue sure has changed. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that when I went off to college, I literally knew nobody there, not a single person. I’m sure you can imagine that at first I was a little lonely.

Also, I’ve been experiencing (and I know I’m not the only one) a strange phenomenon a lot of kids around my age do. I’m not sure what to call it but it’s when it seems like all of your friends and everyone you know is either married, engaged, planning to be engaged, or just plain in love. Now, it’s never actually all your friends and everyone you know, but to someone who’s longing for that kind of relationship, reality on the matter is easily skewed.

Just a couple of nights ago I was talking to one of my good friends about his first semester, and somehow we got on the topic of him and his girlfriend. He kept telling me how perfect and beautiful she is, and how the two of them were like best friends, but how they were slowing the relationship down so that they could both get their lives on track and get closer to God, but also that there was no doubt in either of their minds that they loved each other. I asked him the question,Β “So, do you think she’s the one?” And without hesitation he answered with yes. One of MY friends is going to be getting married. That’s one of those moments where you realize that you’re not a kid anymore.

In regards to marriage, I’ve always believed that God has someone special for most everybody, but only most everybody because I also believe that some people are called to be single. By “single” I don’t mean being an awesome bachelor and sleeping around with girls and having fun all the time. As a Christian, if you’re “called to be single” it’s actually a “consecrated” single life (at least that’s the Catholic term), meaning you live to serve God. And since there’s no sex allowed outside of marriage, that means no sex whatsoever. You might as well become a Catholic Priest at that point. My father was actually discerning the priesthood at one point in his life (shortly before he met my mother). I used to think that maybe I was one of those people. I also used to think that I’d be okay with that. Now I hope to God that I’m not one of those people. (I mean, I couldn’t last a lifetime without sex!?!… You know that’s not the only reason, but seriously you know you were thinking it too.)

For now, there’s nothing I can do except be patient. I have faith that God will place the right girl in my life sooner or later, and that when He does, it will be amazing. It’s a comforting thought to think that maybe when I’m up late at night thinking about her, she’s having trouble sleeping too, and thinking about me…



7 responses to “My Future Wife: Restless Nights Pt. 2

  1. Nathaniel, I am very glad you posted this up. That takes a lot of guts. I would never have guessed you felt that way and that someone else in this world feels the same way I do. It’s a bit comforting to know that I’m lonely, but not alone, ya know? πŸ™‚ Good song lyrics, too!

    • πŸ™‚ Thanks Kelli! I’d bet there are thousands of kids who feel this way, it’s just hard to show it without sounding pathetic, haha. I hope all’s going well for you in Utah!

      • It is, indeed going well for me in Utah πŸ™‚ HAH. I don’t like that I have homework again, though. I hope you don’t have too many nights where you can’t sleep, though, since it’s the break and breaks are perfect for sleeping in.

  2. jakemartins ⋅

    I hear ya.

    This seems to spark a want: I ‘ought to start actually writing. I have a domain name and everything. I should share thoughts.

    We need to collaborate sometime as well.

    Almost time to be back at school. I’m ready man.

    • You should man! It often takes a while to finish a whole post but I love writing. It’s fun and I feel good after sharing these things with people, especially if they enjoy reading them. I’m stoked to get back to SM and hang dude.

  3. Tash ⋅

    Hey, so this is ridiculously random, and probably a little creepy, but I SWEAR I am not a stalker! I checked out your Savannah cover on RK’s page, pretty sweet stuff. But totes off subject. I just wanted to say that this blog was kinda encouraging, just knowing that other people out there (and that guys out there) are sharing my thoughts. I definitely get you! Something that’s helped me a lot is Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, just remembering that this is a particular season in my life, and it’s one I gotta embrace. God’ll bring the next season when the time’s right.
    But yeah! We may never meet in reality, buuut I guess I’ll see you in heaven, bro πŸ™‚

    • Thank you so much for reading my blog haha (: and for watching my cover! I don’t think it’s creepy at all (well, maybe a little) but I enjoy people creeping on me as long as they’re not actual creepers haha. That sounded weird. What I mean to say is I put stuff on the Internet so people can see it, and it makes me glad when people actually do and respond. l I’m glad you enjoyed my blog, and thanks again for the Kind words. Feel free to add me on facebook also:)

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